An Angel and a Sinner
by brittany.purnell98
Summary: The man was scary as hell yet that just made him more attractive. Wether it was the Ink, the leather, the harley, or maybe that cold look in his eye that just screamed 'Don't Fuck With Me' she smiled up at him the words flying out of her mouth. "So big guy, you wanna get outta here?" (Happy/oc)
1. Lace and Leather

He swung his jean clad leg off his Harley. Boots hitting the pavement he removed his helmet resting it on the handle bar at his side. You could hear the music, feel the base through the ground, see the drunks staggering through the doors. He walked towards the entrance, a hard look stretched across his face, giving the familiar bouncer a firm nod he walked through the doorway. The stench of pussy and booze instantly hitting his senses, but being a Son it was nothing that he wasn't accustomed to, it was practically homey.

Lou's it was a strip bar, cleaner than the Jellybean, the local strip club not known for the best or most hygienic dancers. He there was only one he was here for one dancer. Buck Cherry's Crazy Bitch played through the speakers paretically shaking the walls, barely clothed bodies moved to the beat; hips swaying, hair swinging. Men both intoxicated and sober cheered watching, hypnotized by the movement of the dancers and their exposed bodies. There were plenty of croweaters at the club house, plenty of girls to get his dick wet. Not Zepplin. It wasn't her real name, she was a big rock fan her body could swing perfectly to the rhythm to any guitar, her dark hair swinging back and forth, hands caressing her body. Sure, he had a preference to blondes, but the wild look in her eyes sent his lower body pumping ever since he had seen her his first arrival with Tig. He never came into California without coming to watch her. He wasn't sure why, though he didn't really care.

His eyes scanned the room skipping over the sweaty bodies till he rested on the dark haired dancer wrapped around the pole near the corner of the room. His heavy boots scuffed the floor as he made his way to a table in front of her stage. Her body covered with a thin black lingerie spun around the pole her legs gracefully coming to the ground as a new song began to Undone came through the speakers. Her hips swayed slowly as she moved around the stage, her hands running along her body. She gripped the pole as the music throwing her legs around it she swung up spinning around it before lowering to the ground. His eyes followed her body closley. Her hips were wide, Butt toned, her breast a little more than a handful, her skin designed with ink the black contrasting perfectly with her tanned skin. His stone cold eyes had traced over the art work memorizing the detail. Her thigh, decorated with a traditional pin up of an angel, soft and sexy. Three red roses inked into her right hip ending at her ribs. Rosemary beads wrapped around a revolver covered her left shoulder and a tribal dragon over the back of her right shoulder. Her toned stomach, piercing sparkling in the light. She looked like any other attractive woman really. The way she moved was more graceful than most and her moves clearly showed her flexible body. There was nothing special as to why he drew her attention. Just another good looking woman. She swung her hair up crawling towards him, her dark eyes connecting with his.

She had seen him many times over the months she started dancing. She recognized his eyes dark, mysterious, and cold. Any sane person would have taken the dangerous look of the man as a warning, would have ran at the first site of the leather kutt. Not her... The look in his eyes sent heat through her body. She crawled towards the man stopping at the edge of the stage. She moved to her knees, spreading her thighs she rotated her hips. Pulling the strap of her lingerie down her shoulder slowly she ran a hand through her hair baring her shoulder as she moved her upper body. Her eyes kept contact with his as he lean forward, her blood pounding, heat flowing to her lower body, she licked her lips in anticipation as he slipped a bill into the black lace garter belt around her thigh. His rough fingers skimmed over her skin sensually as he moved back in his seat. Oh god.. Her breath hitched slightly seeing the dark glint in his eyes. A smirk crossed her lips as she moved from the stage, ignoring the other customers and dancers, she swung a leg across his moving into his lap. No surprise, showed on his face only a small smirk in return as his hands gripped her thighs lightly, the no touching the strippers rule forgotten. Not that he looked the type to care. She rolled her hips lightly putting pressure against his groin her fingers skimming against his stomach, nails lightly scraping underneath his shirt. She moved against his crotch, pushing her breast against his chest never breaking eye contact with the man. His fingers skimmed the skin of her thigh moving upwards to grip her hips pulling her towards him. She moved back out of his tatted arms and of his lap to turn around. She bent forward slowly moving her ass and hips against the beat of music blasting through the room, before moving back towards the stage shooting the biker one last glance before she continued with her routine.

He watched her dance for almost an hour sipping his vodka until she exited the stage moving towards the back rooms. He watched her backside as she moved away before he stood to leave like he did every time.

Ryan changed into her regular clothes in the back rooms ignoring the couples in the back with their tongues shoved down each others throat. Looked like they were having fun she thought rolling her eyes. Most men in this bar were sleaze bags, frat boy, and just fat bastards but they paid well and she wouldn't complain. Though, she had been lucky she was friends with Lou, the owner, he was an older man who used to come into the diner she worked in and had always been sweet on her. She told Lou when she started she wouldn't fully undress and she would not do lap dances and after her first night she was glad she had. Though, some were an exception like that had seen the man come in a couple of times over the last three months once with another man but usually alone.

"I'm heading out Lou!" Ryan called out moving towards the exit. She looked towards the older man leaning against the bar and waved. Turning back she opened the door walking out into the parking lot of the strip club. Strip club. How she had ended up here? She couldn't tell you. She was a lousy waitress, wasn't smart enough for college, she needed money and the job was easy. Did make her a slut? In some peoples eyes, yes. She didn't sleep with many people, she could count the number of bed mates on one hand actually, but that didn't mean she didn't like sex. Dancing was easy and wether it was because she was so fucked up in the head or not stripping didn't bother her one bit. Hell, she enjoyed it some times.

She walked across the parking lot, her black heels clicking against the pavement, toward her car. Her keys slipped through her fingers falling to the ground. "Dammit." she muttered bending down to get them. Standing upright she turned hearing the door of the club open behind her, the Son walking through. Her hazel eyes scanned over his predatory form, taking in everything from the tats to the leather. "You know most people call this stalking." She said crossing her arms across her chest. He didn't say anything just stared at her with a small smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. He was older than her, but in this day and age that wasn't new, but damn she would jump that guy in a second. "Would hate to have to get a dam restraining order." Again nothing. She huffed annoyed. "Okay, silent type, huh? Wanna Give me a name at least?" she asked walking towards the man in leather.

"Happy" She smiled at his voice, deep and raspy, full on sexy.

She let out a short laugh before sticking out her manicured hand. "Alright well. Im Ryan." His calloused hand gripped hers firmly. It felt like an odd introduction considering she had already rubbed up this guy more than once. "So, Happy, are you stalking me?"

He smirked, "Might be."

A small shiver of fear went down her spine but like every warning it was thrown out. The man was scary as hell yet just made him more attractive. Wether it was the Ink, the leather, the harley, or maybe that cold look in his eye that just screamed 'Don't Fuck With Me' she smiled up at him. "Well then, your not very discrete." She bit her lip as an images came into her head looking over his muscled arms. Remember when we said she didn't sleep with many people, that was true she had never even thought of a one night stand before but now her mind was going wild on its own with thoughts of this man in her bed. Maybe she forgot to take her medicine this morning or maybe she was just stupid because the words flew out of her mouth, "So big guy, you wanna get outta here?"


	2. Heavy Breathing

**Hi thanks for reading I will update soon this will not be a very fluffy fanfic because well it's Happy but ill do my best to make it enjoyable. PLEASE REVIEW! oh and first time with smut um hope I did okay. **

**Disclaimer: I Do NOT Own Sons Of Anarchy or it's characters, plot, or setting. I do not make any money on this only for entertainment.**

They headed back to her house in Charming. She had only lived in the town for a year and had yet to meet anyone. She didn't care that much for small towns they were filled with nosy people who sat around gossiping most of the time. She lived in her small house alone it was nothing glamorous or impressive just a two bedroom house that she had bought with the money that her dad had left her.

Happy had followed behind her red Ford Edge on his Harley. Bringing a stranger home, that probably wasn't her best idea, no actually it might be her worst idea. But she did. She pulled up in her small drive way killing the engine. She was nervous for sure, a little bit excited too. She stepped out of her car and waited for Hap to step off his bike before moving towards the door. She hesitated when she turned the key. She hadn't gotten laid in like a year and here was this hot biker ready to fuck her. Would he kill her? She banged her head against the door. Maybe, but oh god she didn't know.

Hearing a chuckle behind her she turned to the man. "If your gonna kill me do it after the sex alright? I seriously need a lay and if I'm gonna die i'm gonna be happy, got it?" she joked, though she was actually half way serious, and opened the door throwing her keys and purse on her couch before turning around to the man shutting her front door.

Hap chuckled," Oh I don't plan on killin you, plan on making you scream though." He watched as that wild look came into her eyes and she crossed the distance between them an evil smirk playing across her lips.

Moving her fingers underneath his shirt she could feel the hard muscles of his abdomen. "Oh, Is that right? I think I like that plan." She told him her eyes falling to his lips before rising back to his dark eyes. He smirked, gripping her dark hair and pulling her face towards his. He smashed his lips on hers. One hand in her hair, his other gripped her waist tightly pulling her hips against his. She moaned gripping his kutt, her tongue tracing his bottom lip asking for entrance. His tongue devoured her mouth his hands moving lower to the curve of her ass. There was nothing gentle about the kiss, nothing loving, just demanding and rough.

She moved back her hand grabbing onto one of his and pulled him through the house and into her bedroom. She released his hand, gripping the edges of her hoody she pulled it over her head leaving her in the same black bra as she had danced in that night. Then, she unbuttoned her jeans shimming out of them and kicking off her heels. She walked backwards toward her king size bed before sitting down smiling at Happy. He smirked, eyes scanning over her body that he had watched move around the pole the last few months. He pulled off his kutt placing it gently on the dresser against the wall, then ripped his SAMCRO shirt over his head exposing his toned and tatted chest. Her eyes lit up at the sight. He moved like a predator till he was right in front of her then threaded his fingers through her hair and crashing his lips on hers. She fell back onto the bed bringing his body with her. His lips moved down her neck sucking and nipping at her skin. She let out small moans her hand fumbling with the button of his jeans.

He bit into her neck causing her nails to dig into his shoulder, her hips rising of the bed to press against him. She raised her upper body off the bed moving her hands behind her back to unhook her bra throwing it on the carpet beside the bed. He gazed down at her breast just more than a handful and moved his lips over her nipple. A small gasp left her lips as he nipped into her skin.

She hooked her leg over his hip before using her body to flip him onto his back with her straddling his hips. She skimmed her lips over his teasingly, her mouth moving towards his chest then his stomach her tongue tracing the outline of his tattoo. Moving back towards his mouth she took his bottom lip between hers biting roughly. His chest rumbled almost like a growl and gripped her hips wresting her easily back onto her back his rough hands sliding up her legs until he reached her lace panties, pulling them down her legs.

He fumbled with his jeans pulling out his cock, rolling on a condom, he glanced up at Ryan one more time before entering her the wild look in her eye returning. He thrust slow at first and then harder pounding into her.

"Oh, Oh my god.. Yes" She moaned her fingers curled into the comforter on her bed raisng her hips to meet his thrust. Her body moved against him her hips rolling to meet his thrust. "Fuck me, Oh fuck me Hap!" His hands gripped her hips so hard that bruising would appear by morning but neither cared nor wanted to stop. His teeth grazed her neck biting into her shoulder roughly making her nails penetrate the skin of his back. He could feel her walls clenching around him, "I'm gonna Cum.." she moaned. He could feel her muscles clenching as she got closer, he put one arm on the bed for leverage then pounded faster and harder. Her eyes connected with his and she quickly came her body quivering a small scream escaping her lips and he quickly followed.

His slowed coming to a stop. Both stilled regaining their strength as they came down from climax. The room was silent except for their heavy breathing until a small giggle escaped Ryan's lips she looked up at the man hovering above her naked body, "That was awesome" she muttered. He let out a small chuckle at her bliss expression before collapsing on the bed beside her. "Your allowed to stay the night if you want, I don't care." Happy looked at the brunette beside him her lips formed in a smirk, "besides I'd like another round" she said. Hap smiled at that.


	3. Disapointment and Regrets

**Hey guys! So to wishuy, X Blue Eyed Demon X, Glomi85, and arowley who all reviewed on this story thank you so much.** **Also, Arowley said that happy didn't seem like the type to have a relationship with a stripper. I agree but I don't know I just liked the idea and in season 4 Happy and Tig seemed to love the "Jellybean" where they did business with the Russians so that kinda made me wanna write and in the beginning there's nothing that special about Ryan just that she's a pretty face and a good lay to him. Thank you though for bringing that up! It made me think. With Ryan**'s** character** **I'll show that she does have her own issues no cliche stalker ex boyfriend but with herself , there's small hints I wont get into that until later it's nothing serious like deathly but it may explain her behavior and personality more. I hope you enjoy, PLEASE REVIEW and please tell me if its sounds Mary sue, I know the character seems that way a little bit in the beginning but ill fix that. THANK YOU!**

**_Disclaimer: This is FanFiction. I do not own Sons Of Anarchy it's characters, plot, or setting._**

**_And now more Happy and Ryan..._**

Happy woke his body covered in blankets that didn't smell like booze and pussy. He didn't feel a croweater pressed against his body or the hard springs of the mattresses that were in the clubhouse, because he wasn't there. Rubbing a hand over his bald head he glanced around the room taking in the dark burgundy walls, the dresser pressed against the wall with his kutt on top, and the clothes scattered on the ground. It was easy to remember where he was after that. The stripper. He glanced to the other side of the bed where the dark haired woman lay her naked body that stretched across the bed only covered with a thin white sheet. He liked that, after many rounds of sex last night he had found out that she wasn't much of a cuddlier like most women were after sex. She had just rolled of him moving away from his body and slept. He had found that her body like he imagined was flexible and she could roll her hips expertly exactly like she did on stage. Looking towards the small bed side table and at the clock he saw it was nearly one. His eyes brows furrowed at seeing the numerous prescriptions that sat beside the lamp on the table. Picking up one he read the bottle Seroquel XR, he had no clue what the hell that was. It wasn't his problem either if the girl was sick or hell could be a druggy. Lifting off the covers he sat up on the bed bending down and picking up his jeans he pulled them over his legs standing up to put them on. Hearing a groan behind him, he looked over his shoulder watching her stretch her body cat like allowing the cover to fall exposing her chest. Slowly opening her eyes, she look at him confused at first before smiling a bit.

Her body was sore. That was her first thought but looking at the tall shirtless man in front of her it was well worth it. "Leaving?" She asks moving to lean on her elbow. She knew he was, he probably did this on a regular basis, sleep with random woman and then leave. She knew this was just sex when she brought him home though.

"Yeah, gotta head out." He rasped. She smiled at his voice, god it was so sexy. Too bad he had only said a hand few of sentences to her but he didn't really seem the type for small talk.

"Right." Ryan said moving the sheet off of her body and standing up. Bending down to pick up her panties she felt hands grip her hips pulling her roughly to a hard body. She stood up right looking up at the man behind her his hot breath against her ear.

"What are you doing?" he whispered in her ear his hands roaming up her upper body. She leaned against his chest liking the feelings of his hands as they roamed freely over her body.

She turned her head to look at his dark face. "Getting dressed" she answered.

"Why?" He asked lips grazing her neck. She whined not appreciating the teasing, tuning in his arms she gripped his head crashing her lips into his in a heated kiss. Their tongues both battling for dominance, each devouring the other.

She broke the kiss breathless. Patting his chest lightly she moved out of his arms walking towards her bedroom door picking up her discarded shirt along the way. "Because I'm hungry. Wanna beer?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder with smudged eyes and tangled hair. She smiled as he grunted in response. Right, the silent type. She walked into her living room, passing her two small red couches and into her kitchen. She opened her refrigerator door bending down to get two beers before closing it. Her eyes looked at the picture that stared back at her held up by a small magnet. The man in the picture stood dressed in camouflage, a full army uniform a Brown headed little girl in his arms with her short arms wrapped around his neck a wide smile on her face that showed her missing teeth. A sad smile came upon Ryan's face. Her father would be disappointed in his daughter. Hell, she was disappointed in herself and felt guilty for letting not only her dad but herself down as well. She a twenty five year old with no education, a highschool drop out, worked at a strip club, and last night she had been stupid enough to sleep with a random guy. She was pathetic, well that's what she thought of herself. Maybe that's why she brought Hap home last night, she just didn't give a shit any more. Or maybe she was just lonely.

She shook her head at her thoughts popping of the tops of the beers placing one on the counter and downing hers. Happy had moved into the kitchen fully dressed. He gripped the beer that sat infront of him on the counter taking a swallow his dark eyes watching her as she gulped down her beer. He noticed that happy look on her face moments before was replaced with a bored almost sad expression. Women. Happy one minute crying the next. She noticed him watching her and changed her expression to a playful look leaning against the island that separated their bodies. Her hair was messy and her eyes were smudged with makeup, at first glance she looked a mess but as he looked at her more he found it slightly sexy, the whole after rough sex look.

She gave him her signature smirk moving her finger along the neck of her beer, "So, Am I gonna see you again? You know since your stalking me and all or are you finished with that?" She didn't care either way. Not that she didn't like the sex, loved it actually. She was just to messed up for a relationship it took a special person to put up with her shit. They had to be stubborn as hell and would have to be ready to probably get hit when she went into her rages of anger on her bad days, she was like a child throwing a tantrum at times. It wasn't her fault, she couldn't control it.

Like she expected though his played that mysterious card, sending her a smirk, "You'll be seeing me" he said before standing up and walking out her front door only leaving an empty beer bottle. She smiled, she didn't know whether it was true or not but he knew where to find her if he wanted her. Though, at the moment regrets started running through her mind she pushed them down, can't cry over spilt milk. She knew if she saw him again she would probably do the same thing because she was stupid, she didn't care, and that he made her feel alive instead of numb even if it was only a few hours. It was the most excitement she had in a long time.


	4. Inside the Mind

**I Don't own Sons Of Anarchy**

**I rewrote this. Um I felt that I didn't really do very well on this chapter and I didnt like how it was going I hope you guys forgive me I just felt people may be confused by that chapter and idk I just didnt like it so yeah...**

**-Oh and to Arowley (thank you for reviewing!) who asked if they would get serious. Personally I think Hap's character is a guy who can only love his mama but yes eventually they will. The Love word won't come into play for many many chapters so if your looking for a fluffy fic this isn't one.. Thank you though to those who have favorite/followed and reviewed this, you've encouraged me to keep writing. Love you guys.**

He spoke the truth that day. She did see him again almost a month later. She saw that leather kutt from across the room his body move with a lethal grace across the room. His dark eyes catching hers sending shivers of pleasure down her body. She smiled watching him take his seat in front of her stage his body lax, eyes dangerous. She moved her body against the pole her hazel eyes capturing his at every glance, his face contorted in a malicious smile. His eyes roaming over her body as she moved around the stage. Her hands gripped the pole swinging her legs around it, moving her hips back and forth to the beat of the song pounding through the speakers. His eyes drawn to her mouth as she licked her lips swinging her hair black from her face, Her body starting of nice and slow then moving faster to the beat wrapping her hands around the pole. A wicked grin etched across her lips as she slid to the floor in front of him. Curling her finger towards him, he leaned forward. Her hands gripping his collar to pull him in crashing her cherry red lips into his. He could taste the whiskey on her tongue as her mouth battled his for dominance. Pushing him back into his seat she stood on her knees swinging her head around biting her slightly swollen lip.

Happy grinned leaning back in his seat. Watching her move across the stage, the eyes of the customers hyptmotized by the movements of her hips. She looked to be slightly tipsy on her red heels but kept her balance dancing as hard as she could with not a care in the world. Her hair was wild with small devil horns sticking out, strands stuck to her forehead with a slight sheen of sweat. Her Red lingerie contrasting against her tan skin. He thought she might pass out from exhaustion but no, her body only moved faster her hips swaying to Nickleback, bending and spinning around the pole the wild look never leaving her eyes.

When her time was up he could see her breathing hard, her legs shaking from exhaustion but the grin stayed on her face as she moved off the stage moving towards him. She strutted towards him her body collapsing in his lap her arms wrapping around his neck. His calloused hands instinctively going to her thighs to hold her so that she wouldn't collapse in her tipsy state his thumb lightly tracing over the pin up tattoo decorating her skin. "Come to play?" She whispered in his ear over the music.

He moved his hand to grip her hips in response pulling her against his chest capturing her lips roughly with his. His tongue trailed over her bottom lip, asking for access that she granted. She moaned into him her hands rubbing his chest. "Let's get outta here." he told her lifting her off his lap. "Meet me outside." She nodded up at his smiling a lustful glint in her eyes before turning towards the back rooms a skip in her drunken step. Happy watched her disappear into the room shaking his head, grinning and muttered to himself, "Crazy bitch."

Ryan stepped out into the parking lot dress in jeans and a loose t-shirt, her heels dangling in her hands leaving her feet bare. What the hell was she thinking taking shots? She smirked to herself looking at the ground. Scratch that, She was thinking about getting wasted that's what. She looked up and the Son sitting atop his Harley his leather kutt over his dark blue tee. His muscular inked arms visible to her eye.

God, did that man look good. She didn't know a thing about him only the size of his dick and how well he could use it. Didn't even know his real name. That really said something about her character, letting a stranger into her bed like a whore. She wasn't though this man was the only guy she slept with in almost a year and the other men she all had dated for months at least. Looking at Happy though even if he was maybe ten years older then her the only thoughts that came to mind involved a lot less clothing than the man had on. This night was going to be wild.

He watched her movements before asking, "Can you drive?" Sure she was a lil bit tipsy but she would be okay she was alert enough. Hopefully. She nodded digging her keys out her pocket and moved towards her car. Happy starting up his Harley behind her.

God, she was an idiot.

...

She woke up, squinting her eyes shut to shield out the light. Shots. Bad Idea. Moving the sheets off her body she swung her legs off her bed, instantly feeling sore from her late night workout session with Hap. Looking down you could visibly see bruises on her hips from the type grip of his hands as he had pounded into her. Looking over her shoulder, she wasn't surprised to see that it was empty. He most likely didn't want to deal with her hangover he thought she might have. There was no hangover though, just a headache. Last night had only been one of her up days and man did it feel good to feel like that again. It just kind of came out of no where like it always does. When she walked on stage she was hyperactive ready to run wild, she was confident, and her mind had lost the dark cloud she had been under.

Standing up she made her way towards the bathroom cutting on the shower. Looking up she caught her reflection. Her hazel eyes stared back at her smudged with makeup, her dark brown hair looked like a rat's nest from Hap's fingers gripping her head, her neck bruised with bite marks and hickies along with her thighs and hips. She looked like death. Simple as that. She took her time messaging her scalp and cleansing her body, liking the feel of the warm water run over her sore muscles.

She didn't feel used by Happy not one bit. She knew this was just sex and nothing more. Ryan knew that the man she had let into her bed was most likely a criminal. Living in Charming it was impossible not to know about SAMCRO, they were the ones who ran the town some of the citizen's were fine with that and supported SAMCRO, others called them thugs said they were poisoning the town. Ryan well she was indifferent and honestly didn't care. It didn't involve her. She stepped out of the shower running a towel over her body and wrapping one around her soaked hair.

She dressed in an over size T-shirt not caring to look pretty. Ryan had given up on the idea of Mr. Perfect long ago, watching her parents relationships fail with not only their own but with other, watching friends be heartbroken, and feeling her own heartbreak as well. People were only out for themselves most of the time, she had learned that letting people in only caused pain. Men. Well men were smart, manipulative, and cunning. Not all men, some were sweet and caring but that was all to boring to Ryan. Probably what got her in so much trouble. She didn't want a man though. No, she was independent. She didn't need to take anyone's shit or be tossed around and treated like trash.

No emotions. No relationships. That was the good thing about Hap, it was just sex.


	5. Time heals everything

**OMG! Thank you for reviewing! I've been trying to post everyday or every two days that's why my chapters are only like 1,000 words but I just love hearing your thoughts on the story. Yes happy will stick around more. At the moment I'm letting you see that with Ryan she's just a pretty face to him**.** Yes, she is pretty, Mary sue? Hopefully not. I'm trying to show right now who her character is and that she does have flaws.** **To me a person like Ryan or Happy they aren't gonna get attached right away so that's why no emotions will come in to play for awhile. Thank you guys! Thoughts? I love reviews and I'll answer any questions.** **So this Chapter is kinda an insight to Ryan's past**. **I'm not completely sure about the idea but please tell me what you think if you don't like it I'll change it.** **Oh and in future chapter's should the couple have a kid?** **Tell me what you think!**

_Everything in the forest has its season. Where one thing falls, another grows. Maybe not what was there before, but something new and wonderful all the same._

-Bambi's mother

She had driven all the way to San Jose, like she did often. Her fingers tapped nervously on the staring wheel. Her mind whirling with different thoughts. Her emotions like an amusment park ride. She hadn't did her makeup or her hair, her finger nails were chewed to nothing, and her red rimmed eyes were covered by sunglasses.

She hated this place...

Ryan stepped out her car, reaching across the console to pick up two bouquets of white Lilies in the passenger seat. She looked at the scene before her with a sorrowful expression. Taking deep breaths she walked past the headstones, her Hazel eyes straight ahead trying not to think of the past. She stopped at one particular grave decorated with an American flag and a small bouquet of wilted Lilies. She dropped to one knee, kissing her hand before placing it against the stone.

_William Anthony Carter_

_June 16, 1956-September 4, 2004_

_A loving father ,son, and brother in arms._

She stifled a small smile placing the new lilies on the grave, "Hey Dad." She whispered. Her heart ached looking the headstone. She missed him every damn day. He was her hero. Had always loved her, stood by her through all of her mistakes, protected her, yet the last words she said were she hated him. She was a teenager. A stupid, hormonal teen with issues, and when he got called back over seas she had begged him not to go. He had promised it would be the last time. It was... That the last time she had ever saw him. Every thing went down hill after that... Drugs, Alcohol, Boys.. She was stupid. A teenage girl who had lost her father and who hated her mother. She was that type of woman who looked down her nose at everyone, quick to criticize and point out all your flaws. God, Ryan still hated that woman.

Her father had been a good man. He had given his life for his country, to fight to protect his homeland and his loved ones. Ryan used to ball her eyes out when he would leave, she hated missing him. She was a daddies girl had always been. During her teenage years she had hung out with the wrong crowd, thought she was grown up and didn't have to abide by the rules. Boy, was she wrong though. Her father's death had driven her over the edge. She had went spiraling in and out of depression, dropped out of school, and went to boys for comfort. She thought she knew what love was back then.. No, that was just hormones and half romantic notions that T.V. had put in her head.

Ryan studied the headstone one more time before standing up with the other bouquet in hand. She moved to her left towards the next headstone eyes downcast. Her emotions were spinning and her thoughts were filled with guilt. It hurt. In her chest, there was an ache, not a physical ache but a soul crushing pain. Her hands slightly shook, her eyes watering kneeling next to the smaller. "Hey baby." She stared at the small angel engraved in stone. "I'm sorry I haven't seen you in a while." her voice broke, a lone tear falling down her cheek. "Mommy loves you though. Always." She dropped her head letting the tears fall. She hated herself...

_James Anthony Carter_

_February 6, 2007-December 12, 2008_

_Forever be in our hearts._

Almost two years old. Never got a chance at life.

It was all her fault.

Should have looked left...

That was the only thought that gone through her head for two years straight. When she had a gun to her chin that was the only words in her head.

Should have looked left.

That kid was the best thing in her life, loved him more than anything. She had been ready to change her whole world around. She had gone back to school and worked two jobs. She wanted to give her son everything he could ever need. And still she drove straight into the path of that truck. She had been young and naive, thought she was in love. The father was nothing but a bastard, dumped her the second her pregnancy test turned positive but she was gonna make it work. She didn't though...

And she hated herself for it..

Time did heal. Not completely. She would never really stop hurting but she was better.

Wiping her eyes, she took a deep breath and pushed herself off the ground. "I'm sorry." she whispered. How she hadn't she seen that truck? She asked herself that a lot over the years. She wasn't careful or thinking. At the time she had been so stressed taking classes at a community college working in the mornings as a waitress, in the afternoons as a gas station cashier. Back then stripping was not an option. She didn't want her child to look up to a mother who would do that and wanted to do everything right. To be the perfect mother.

Ryan Amelia Carter.

She wasn't perfect. She wasn't smart nor confident. She didn't stay happy for long. She didn't trust anyone, not even herself. And she was weak.. There had been times she had given up. Had been so lost and hurt she just didn't want to fight but she was also too scared to even pull the trigger. Outside, people probably saw just a pretty girl but when she looked in the mirror she was crawling in her own skin. She had hurt the people she loved. Killed her own child... It was the reason she couldn't let anyone near either she would be hurt and the pain would grow to much or she would hurt them. How could she ever be happy? After she had done that.

She didn't know.

But.. It was getting better. She could smile and laugh. Looking back at the memories, her past, didn't hurt as much as it used to. She would never be whole but slowly she was piecing herself back together.

She walked away from the graves less nervous than when she arrived a sad smile on her face thinking of innocent blue eyes and child's laugh. Her little boy. Little kid used to drive her wild. His first movie had been Bambi. It had always been Ryan's favorite Disney movie during her pregnancy she called James thumper because of his excessive kicking. She smiled remembering the way her son would point towards the T.V. excited. She missed him. Often she couldn't even think about him blocked his image from her mind but he was always there. His pictures, all in a book were shoved on the top shelf of her closet. Kept hidden so she wouldn't have to think about him becuase she couldn't stand how much it hurt.

Now.. She was healing and it was time to move on.

She hopped in her car a smile playing on her face at her latest idea. She drove into the city tears slowly running down her face thinking about the sweet child. She had tried to forget in the past but now she had to remember. Remember the smiles, the laughs, the cries.. everything. After blocking away the thoughts and memories for so long she finally opened up, breaking down the dam built up in her mind. Blocking it out doesn't mean it goes away. Trying to forget doesn't mean you will. Memories were all she had left and she was an idiot to not realize that. And what better way to always remember than have it inked in your skin forever.

With the extra cash in her pocket she walked through the door of the tattoo parlor. The receptionist a heavenly tattooed woman smiled up at her, "Hi. How can I help you?"

Ryan bit her lip and smiled, "Um.. Tat on my wrist, colored. Thumper, the uh Disney character, with my son's name written underneath." She nodded her head smile growing.

It was time to move on.


	6. Sex and Violence

**Thanks for the reviews I wasn't too sure about the last chapter but I think I'm going to stick with it. Any suggestions or ideas? Please tell me. I posted a couple pictures of what Ryan would look like in my head. Thoughts? Please Review, favorite and Follow. Constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated. Smut warning at the end.**

**Don't own sons of anarchy!**

The new ink on her wrist had now become her favorite. Now she would forever have her child's name engraved into her skin and at every glance at the small Disney character she could smile at the memories. She hadn't smiled that much in a long time.

When she had arrived home, she had walked into her closet reached up on her tip toes and pulled down a box of old stuff. Toys, baby clothes, photos, all her memories. She carefully flipped through the photo book running her hands over the pictures of the dark haired and blue eyed child. It was hard. To look at his face again to touch his things after so long but it was a good pain in a way.

Her room now held two picture frames, one atop her dresser a picture of her in the hospital holding her new born that a nurse had taken. The other a black and white photograph of James playing on the floor a Tigger doll squished in his arms, sitting beside her bed. The anti-depressants that had sat on her bedside table had now been stuffed in a drawer, kept away along with her dark cloud that had followed her.

...

She arrived at the bar going straight towards the back rooms to get changed ignoring the staggering drunks. She undressed in the changing rooms into her usual lingerie. She sighed looking down at her newly healed tattoo. She felt slightly disgusted with herself for being able to do this job but sucked it up putting on a pleasant smile, shaking off those thoughts.

She walked up on stage doing her usual routine while the bar patrons watched. The bar was noisy that night, not that it wasn't always noisy but there seemed to be more rowdier crowd than usual. She moved on the pole, swaying her body seductively trying her best to focus on the music and ignoring the frat boy's at the edge of the stage yelling out cat calls. She rolled her eyes making sure to side step them, you could smell the stench of whiskey rolling off them.

Her body moved sliding up and down the pole along with the other strippers in the place. She gripped the pole before swinging her legs around it pulling herself up to spin around it then slide back down to pole. She stood up seductively curving her back and flipping her hair back. She walked around the stage slowly dipping her hips running her heads over her chest and down her thighs.

When her dad had payed for dance lessons she bet he never thought she would have used it for this. If that man saw her now he would skin her alive, probably kill her and everyone in the bar. He had been a very sophisticated man and very religious. Stripping was never supposed to be an option for his little girl but well.. Look at her now. The past few days she had small thoughts about quit but it was hard to find a job out there. Ryan had nothing but a GED, how the hell would she be able to find a good job? She had worked as a waitress a few times, broke enough dishes in those times too, she was pretty crappy at it. Cashier, maybe she could do that though her costumer service skills weren't the best. At the moment stripping was her only income and it paid well too. Wasn't the best and at times she was disappointed in herself.

She felt a hand grip her leg, looking down she could see one of the frat guys grinning up at her. "Let go, Asshole!" she yelled I the guy trying to kick her leg out of his grip.

His fingers tightened around her ankle, "Oh come on, babe, we just wanna have sum fun..nn." He slurred, his drunk friends laughing beside him. She glanced around the room looking for Richie, the bouncer, but she couldn't see him in the crowded bar.

She glared down at the man, "Get your hands off me. Now! Or I'll fuck up your face!" She jerked her leg again only to have him pull her towards him again, causing her to lose her balance in her heels. She fell a twinge of pain shooting through her ankle. She glared at the man infront of her, balling up her fist she moved towards him before gripping his Hollister shirt and swung her fist back hitting him in the jaw. He fell off his chair half onto his buddy sitting beside him. Ryan rubbed her knuckles grimacing slightly at the small ounce of pain.

The idiot's friend glared up at her, "Bitch!" he yelled moving towards her. His fist flew towards her, before she could block it his knuckles connected with her cheek. The class ring on his finger cutting into her skin. Ryan gasped then seethed in anger, she had never been hit by a man, a women, yes, but never a man. She wouldn't allow it. Before she could jump at the boy, a hand gripped the boys collar pulling him backwards onto a table. Her eyes caught site of the leather kutt, Sons Of Anarchy in bold letters starring back at her. Happy fist pounded into the boys face who tried feebly to get some hits in. She saw the other two boys moving towards Hap she stood up and limp towards them making a decision. Her palm connected with the nose, a sickening crunch sound coming from the impact. She smiled in satisfaction in seeing the blood seeping out of the boys nose. The other man moved towards her, his hand moving to grip her hair stopped by a fist coming out of nowhere connecting with his eye. A grinning Happy moving towards the boy on the ground. It seemed that everyone in the bar was now aware of the action taking place. She could see Lou making his way through the crowd with wide angry eyes Two bouncers behind him. Ryan moved to grip Hap's arm before he could reach the boys. He looked back at her, she could see the slight joy in his eyes at causing pain towards the frat boys. He looked at her curiously asking silently why the hell was she ruining his fun. She shook her head at him tugging at his arm. The three men one barely able to stand leaning heavenly against the table starring with wide terrified eyes at Happy. The other two, one still on the ground the other gripping his nose to stop the blood flow seeming to have sobered up.

Lou had made his way to the front of the crowd taking one look at Ryan's swollen cheek and the biker beside her before turning his attention to the three men. "Get 'em out of here!" he ordered before sending Ryan a concerned look. She smiled at the older man, wincing at the pain it caused her cheek, and nodded silently telling him she was okay.

She pulled the silent and glaring Happy along with her towards the bathrooms in back. She stuck her head in the door of the lady's room glancing around the empty bathroom before pulling the biker inside. She turned towards him trying to smile without hurting her cheek, "You're a real knight in shining armor aren't ya?" she joked. "Thanks for that."

Happy looked down at her a smiled, "No problem." he raised a hand to her cheek running his fingers over the cut. "Gonna need some ice for that." He said.

She huffed, limping slightly towards the sink. Glancing in the mirror she cringed, it was definently going to bruise. "Dammit. Stupid fucking assholes." she muttered slamming her hand down on the edge of the sink.

"Want me to kill 'em?" Hap asked.

Ryan froze then laughed lightly but looking at the serious expression on Happy's face and the slight joyously evil glint in his eyes she sobered up quickly, "What?" she choked. "No!" To be honest, She knew there was a big possibility that the man in front of her might have killed before. From the joy in his expression when his fist pounded into the boy's face she had quickly come to terms that the man she had let into her bed was possibly a murder but that suspicion had already entered her mind the moment she read his patch.

Happy just shrugged in response, moving to lean back against the sink to her left. She laughed slightly at that, he was a scary mother fucker and god was that hot. He looked towards her lifting an eyebrow. She moved towards him with a michevious smirk, her fingers crept under neath his tee shirt and kutt feeling the muscles of his abdomen. She met his eyes moving her head to trail her lips along his neck tasting his skin. Her mouth traveled to his ear gently taking his earlobe between her teeth sensually. His hands found their way to the bare skin of her hips pulling her against his lower body. She moved towards his lips slowly moving hers against his. His hand moved lower gripping the left cheek of her ass. She gasped, allowing him entrance to her mouth. She moaned into him moving her hands to his neck and bald head bringing him closer. She felt his grip tighten on her body before he turned her around pressing her back against the sink. She let out a small squeal as his hands gripped her thighs sitting her atop the sink, she laughed running a hand over his shaved head before returning her mouth to his. His left hand moved from her waist traveling up to her chest kneading his palm against her breast. She moaned as his lips hers going to her collarbone where placed an open mouth kiss against her bare skin. His hand traveled down to her thighs inching closer to her center.

Oh god, she thought. She was really about to have sex in a bathroom. Wether it was watching him fight or the dangerous glint in eyes that had gotten her so hot she didn't know but how she lost herself in her own world with this man allowing him to actually fuck her in a bathroom was well.. Confusing. Oh god she really was turning into a whore, wasn't she?

His calloused hand pressed against her center making her moan throwing her head back. Oh who cared, she thought. His mouth traveled to her breast nipping and sucking near the valley of her chest. She bit her lip, feeling slightly nervous about being in a public place but too excited to want to stop she reached toward the button of his jeans. He grinned against her skin running his rough hands down the length of her stomach stopping at the black lace panties gently sliding them down her thighs and off her legs. Opening his jeans he pulled out his cock placing it at her entrance. With one final nervous glance at the bathroom door she looked back at the man before her. His dark eyes watched her with a smirk as he pushed into her. Her teeth bit into her bottom lip to keep from moaning to loud as he moved in and out of her, pounding into her. His mouth captured hers, both their tongues battling for dominance. She moaned into his mouth her fingers digging into his shoulders as he quickened his pace.

She could feel her climax building tightening her thighs tightening around Happy's hips. "Oh god.. Mm Hap. She moaned clawing at his back as he slammed into her harder. "Oh shit" she gasped.

He grunted moving his mouth against her ear. "Come on baby. Cum for me." He whispered, sending her over the edge his climax quickly following not a second after hers. She breathed heavily her head resting against his shoulder. She had just done it in the bathroom of a stripclub, with a man whose real name she didn't know. What was she doing? Idiot, she thought moving her head from Hap's shoulder to see him smirking down at her.

Damn...


End file.
